Never one to hide his light under a bushel when it comes to furnishing his head with an outrageous, asymmetric dye job or two, Paul Pogba hasn’t let us down with his latest effort.

Having bleached both trees and stars into his hair over the past few weeks, Pogba turned up for a media event at Clairefontaine today with a brand new style to show off.

.@paulpogba à Clairefontaine avec les #bleus. #FRAALL pic.twitter.com/n0DPwdONdo

— Equipe de France (@equipedefrance) November 9, 2015

Here’s the image again, for those of you who struggle with Twitter…

Photo: @lequipe/Twitter

A simple ode to his love of music. Here’s a très intéressant fact: That’s actually the sheet music notation for La Marseillaise.

You know, we’d love to know how much peroxide he gets through of an average month.

Here at Pies, we feel it’s our duty to continually remind people that, amid the ever-escalating hype and adoration surrounding him, Jamie Vardy was found guilty of a gross cultural misdemeanour not so very long ago.

We are of course referring to the time when, if only fleetingly, he was a white bloke from Sheffield with cornrows.

Specifically, that time was the summer of 2013, when Vardy adopted the following grotty look during Leicester City’s pre-season schedule…

It’s very much what we like to call the “Eight-year-old girl on holiday in Tenerife” look.

Have dreads/braids ever looked good on a white chap? The answer to that question, of course, is a resounding and wholehearted ‘no’…

Before you ask – yes, that is Tim Lovejoy.

You go away for a few days, for Christmas no less, and return to this nonsense…

Complied hereunder are Pies initial reaction to the West Ham battering ram’s daring new ‘do, which is giving us subtle shades of….

British Bulldog

Obligatory ‘Monica with dreadlocks’ reference

His gawky teenage self

Chingachgook, The Last of the Mohicans

This delicious loaf of bread

Pippi Longstocking

Vintage Jamie Vardy

This fancy horse

Snoop Dogg

An apple strudel

Why can’t the white boys just leave the braids alone? Take is from us – it never, ever looks good.

If even Becks can’t make it work, what chance do the rest of us mere mortals stand?

Looking like an escapee from a 1950s lobotomy clinic, Andres Iniesta debuted a daring new look while taking to the field for Barcelona against Arsenal last night…

He’s holding on to that last smattering of hair for grim death.

Twitter was subsequently awash with suggestions as to quite what Iniesta had asked for at the barbers, given that four days prior he had a perfectly reasonable barnet on the go…

Personally, we saw subtle shades of Baby Herman from ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit?’, only with less convincing coverage…

Either that or those sock things you used to grow cress out of at primary school…

C’mon Andres, sort it out son. You’re too good for this tripe.

Dirty, manky, scraggy, infested, knackered and matted – all perfectly serviceable words to describe Joe Allen’s current hair and beard situation.

However, the hirsute Liverpool midfielder has reportedly vowed to unburden himself of his dense thicket on one proviso – he scores in the upcoming Europa League final.

The Welshman has put in a smattering of impressive shifts of late and is pushing for a starting berth against Sevilla in a week or so’s time.

Indeed, according to the Liverpool Echo, Allen has not only promised to shear his bristles if he scores in Basel, but to also raise a few pennies for Zoe’s Place, a local children’s hospice, in the process.

Fresh-faced and fancy free: Allen, circa his Swansea first-team debut just seven short years ago

Allen’s bold/bald wager was revealed by Willie Miller, the Liverpudlian comedian who also serves as Liverpool’s match-day host at Anfield:

We had Joe in the lounge at Anfield after the game on Sunday to pick up a Man of the Match award.

He got a few questions about when the beard would be coming off and the hair cut. He wasn’t too keen to be fair but they kept at him and in the end he promised he’ll do it if he scores in the Europa League final.

If it happens, we’ll do it in aid of Zoe’s Place.

Good on him – though for the sake of everybody’s well-being, we’re definitely rooting for an Allen goal at St Jakob-Park.

Footballers, understandably, want to look their best during a major international championship, with the eyes of the world upon them. One such player, Belgium and Manchester United beanpole Marouane Fellaini, has gone and got his hair did, and the result is a dyed Afro-tastic marvel…

Fellaini’s blonde ‘fro is sure to make him stand out in France. Although it does remind us of someone else…

Standing out even more than usual with his new bonce, Fellaini will find it hard to keep his trademark cheeky elbow assaults out of the officials’ sights during Euro 2016.

“Sort that barnet out, son”

Having sported a plain old short back and sides for the group stages, it would appear that Croatia’s Ivan Perisic has very much upped the ante in the hair stakes for the knockout rounds.

With a last 16 tie against Portugal in the offing, the 27-year-old winger has gone big for the occasion – shaving and dying a massive swathe of red and white check into the back of his napper…

Photo via @aaronflan/Twitter

It’s perhaps worth noting that we’re not 100% sure if the photo is kosher (the Croatian FA have just deleted their Tweet on the matter) but it’s certainly being presented as such on social media, for what little that’s worth.

We’ll just have to wait until he emerges from the tunnel in Lens this evening.

With the big finale of Euro 2016 coming up on Sunday evening, Ricardo Quaresma has gone out and got himself a special new haircut especially for the occasion.

As you may have guessed, it’s hardly what you’d call an understated affair, with bet-makers Coral assessing that the veteran winger has opted to have one of the olive leaves from Portugal’s national coat of arms shaved and peroxided into the back of his head…

Photo: @Coral/Twitter

Dunno. Looks more like a feather to our cultured eyes. Who knows? Maybe Quaresma has an affinity for the common pigeon.

A closer examination reveals the whole thing to be a ‘hair tattoo’ of sorts, which extends right the way around his cranium…

✂️ novo corte para @ricardoquaresmaoficial #ricardo #quaresma #rq20 #selecao #portugal #1de11milhões #barber #barbergame #barberlove #barberlife #barbershop #barbershopconnect #wahl #wahldetailer #wahlmagicclip #caio #caiolas #caiolasbarber

A video posted by Mika Caiolas (@caiolas_barber) on Jul 5, 2016 at 11:55am PDT

More money than sense, these chumps.

Lionel Messi hasn’t enjoyed the best of summers, retiring from international football after his Argentina side failed once again to lift the Copa America trophy and then seeing Real Madrid rival Cristiano Ronaldo lead his Portugal side to Euro 2016 glory. However, now the Barcelona superstar has decided to cheer himself up by getting a new hairdo.

Earlier this summer, Welsh midfielder Aaron Ramsey ably modelled a blonde dye-bob at Euro 2016 while the likes of Man City’s Samir Nasri and Man Utd’s Phil Jones have also joined the peroxide pack. Now, Messi has followed suit, with his radical new bonce unveiled on Instagram by his girlfriend Antonela Roccuzzo…

The pint-sized genius is set to join up with his Barcelona team-mates ahead of their pre-season International Champions Cup games against Celtic, Leicester and Liverpool. Wonder what his team-mates will make of his new dye-job?

As if to mirror the runner-up mentality imbued at the club, Arsenal midfielder Aaron Ramsey has gone and died his hair so-so silver for the start of the new season.

Looking suspiciously boyband-ish, the Welshman debuted his elaborate new fade cut on Twitter last night by posting a photo of his daring new barnet along with the caption “Silver lining”…

Photo: @aaronramsey/Twitter

Something something Arsenal something something half as much effort into chasing titles as they something something put into trimming their hair every fart’s end something something.

As part of their deadline day dealings, Sunderland have spent £13.6million to bring in Didier Ndong from Lorient.

#SAFC have completed the signing of midfielder Didier Ndong from Lorient for 16m euros. #WelcomeDidier pic.twitter.com/S2ptfgv5cw

— Sunderland AFC (@SunderlandAFC) August 31, 2016

The 22-year-old Gabon international midfielder (who was dubbed ‘the new Michael Essien’ during his 18 months at Lorient) has signed a five-year deal with the Black Cats.

However, his most notable feature is surely the audacious crop of bleached dreadlocks he currently sports, which look not unlike a side portion of golden french fries piled atop his scalp…

Bienvenue, Didier. The Premier League welcomes you (and your astounding, almost sculptural barnet) to the fold.

Having sported the ‘Qui Gon Jinn‘ look for several weeks, Henri Lansbury decided to tame his lengthy locks for Nottingham Forest’s game against Aston Villa (the first time two former European Cup winners have ever met outside the top division ) on Sunday afternoon.

Unfortunately, the Forest captain decided that braiding his hair was the way to go, leading directly to this curious aberration…

Photo: @EFL/Twitter

And yes – as if to complete the ensemble, the loose ends were left to flap about at the back.

In his mind he’s a rampaging Viking warlord. In reality, he’s a little six-year old girl, one week into her first holiday in Tenerife.

We’re having young Andy Carroll flashbacks here, and that’s never a good thing.

Despite falling off the radar somewhat of late, we’re pleased to inform you that Andrey Arshavin is still plugging away over in the Kazakhstan Premier League with FC Kairat Almaty.

In fact, the 35-year-old Russian forward has enjoyed a fairly decent debut season with Kairat, contributing eight goals in 25 appearances over the course.

As well as keeping Kairat competitive in the upper echelons of the league, Arshavin’s goal tally has also silenced a local journalist who prematurely wrote the ex-Arsenal man off as an expensive flop-to-be at the start of the 2016 campaign.

Indeed, local Kazakh journalist Peter Volikova openly declared that he would gladly shave his head if Arshavin managed to score seven goals for Kairat.

Аршавин подарил блогера #кайрат #аршавин #футбол #Алматы

A photo posted by Юлия Абрамова (@editor_yuliya) on Oct 6, 2016 at 2:16am PDT

Eight goals later, the pair met at a shopping centre in Almaty to settle the wager like men of their word.

Safe to say that one was a little happier about the outcome than the other.

It wasn’t long before footage of Volikova meeting his destiny – in the ominous guise of a cheerful little Russian bloke – began to appear on Youtube…

There’s an ‘Ar-shaving’ joke in there somewhere but we’re not entirely sure it’s worth the hassle.

Suggested further viewing…

The Arshavalanche: 25 Photos Of Andrey Arshavin Being The Coolest Cat On The Planet

On Wednesday evening, Bayern Munich recorded a straightforward 3-0 win over Bundesliga upstarts RB Leipzig to spirit themselves back to their rightful place on top of the pile.

Other than the result, the game was notable for two reasons: The first being Thiago Alcantara’s masterful pass to Santa and the second being the debut of Mats Hummels’ horrendous new dye-job.

Indeed, the centre-back took to the pitch sporting a head full of peroxide blonde hair, thus invoking the usual mocking wrath of social media.

Christ, even Lidl had a dig…

@matshummels, du hast die Wahl. ;-) Es ist nie zu spät es rückgängig zu machen. #HauptsachekeinVokuhila #matshummels #FCBRBL #lidllohntsich pic.twitter.com/HpbEfKb6E1

— Lidl Deutschland (@lidl) December 21, 2016

However, it soon transpired that Hummels’ new bleached ‘do wasn’t entirely his own bidding, with the defender later confirming that it was the direct result of a lost wager.

Speaking after the match, the 28-year-old confessed to Abendzeitung:

I lost a bet during the Oktoberfest therefore I had to play a Bundesliga game with blonde hair.

I had to have it for at least one game in 2016, so I thought to myself ‘We’ll just take first place against second place, that way it will get the most attention.’

Oh Mats, you wag.

Carlo Ancelotti has bravely addressed the one aspect of his personal and private life that fans have been speculating fervently over for years.

We are of course talking about his magnificent eyebrows, which are so ridiculously expressive that you’d be forgiven for assuming they were being operated by animatronic puppeteers behind the scenes.

Indeed, there are rumours that the Italian manager’s left brow has actually become self-aware.

In a candid interview with Gazzetta dello Sport, Ancelotti finally revealed something we’ve all known to be true for yonks – that he has absolutely no control of his above-eye facial adornment:

I cannot control my eyebrow. Sometimes when I see an interview with me I am really surprised about my eyebrow going up without control.

But there is no reason for this, no accident behind it.

The Bayern Munich coach also discussed his somewhat unlikely cameo role in Star Trek Beyond, which he landed by virtue of being close friends with the husband of actress Zoe Saldana, who plays Uhuru in the rebooted franchise.

I play the part of a scientist who has to examine an alien.

It was good, I pretended it was Cristiano Ronaldo in front of me…

Whatever could he mean? Is there something we need to know about Cristiano?

Eyebrow raising stuff.

Asamoah Gyan is one of 46 players deemed to have “unethical hair” according to the United Arab Emirates Football Association (UAEFA) guidelines.

As per BBC Sport, Gyan, who currently plays for Al-Ahli in Dubai, is guilty of sporting a ‘Qaza’ barnet, which are forbidden by some of the stricter strains of Islam adhered to in Saudi Arabia.

Some Islamic teachings ban ‘Qaza’ hairstyles, which include mohawks, because only part of the head is shaved, leaving other parts unshaven.

The furore surrounding “over-exuberant” Qaza hairstyles cropped up in football not so very long ago, when a referee forced Al Shabab goalkeeper Waleed Abdullah to shave his head before a match in April of 2016.

This string of Tweets from Middle Eastern football website Ahdaaf just prove how ridiculous the UAEFA’s new criteria truly are…

UAEFA Disciplinary Committee deem that Omar Abdulrahman’s haircut does not fit the new criteria for ethical haircuts in the #AGLeague. pic.twitter.com/giURsG1xxI

— Ahdaaf (@ahdaafme) February 14, 2017

This comes after a new law by the UAEFA which states that players have to abide by certain guidelines for haircuts. #AGLeague

— Ahdaaf (@ahdaafme) February 14, 2017

46 other players in the #AGLeague, amongst them Leonardo and Asamoah Gyan, were also amongst the list of players who had unethical haircuts. pic.twitter.com/ugGh8oTLq4

— Ahdaaf (@ahdaafme) February 14, 2017

Official: Omar’s hairstyle is exempt from new law, despite other players in the league with similar hairstyles having to abide by it.

— Ahdaaf (@ahdaafme) February 14, 2017

On the left: Omar Abdulrahman exempt from haircut law.

On the right: Suhail Al-Mansoori of @AlWahdaFCC before he had to cut his hair. pic.twitter.com/20oE0g2Frg

— Ahdaaf (@ahdaafme) February 14, 2017

Basically, they’re making it up as they go along.

Despite scoring eight goals on his way to winning the darned thing with Brazil, mention ‘Ronaldo at the 2002 World Cup’ and only one thing should pop into the skull of any self-respecting football fan: his ludicrous hair.

The formidable striker adopted a brave new look from the semi-final onward, turning up with a wedge of unshaven hair perched on the prow of his pate – a lunatic fringe if you will.

However, some 15 years on down the line, Ronaldo has revealed that there was a precise, calculated reason for choosing to play the latter stages of a World Cup looking like he was on day release from an asylum.

Speaking to ESPN Brazil, Mr Nazario explained thus:

My groin was hurting. I was only at 60%. So I shaved my head.

Everybody was only talking about my injury. When I arrived in training with this haircut everybody stopped talking about the injury.

Ingenious.

Funnily enough, we’d heard that Ronaldo altered his hair after the quarter-finals because his young son had spent the match kissing the television screen and shouting “Daddy!” every time Roberto Carlos was on the screen.

Honestly, we prefer the latter anecdote.

Photo: @SwansOfficial/Twitter

He may have the look of a veteran sicario for a Colombian drug cartel, but the man you see before you is actually Swansea City’s latest summer acquisition.

Roque Mesa is his name, central-midfielding is his game and he last found gainful employ at La Liga side Las Palmas.

Señor Table also boasts some of the worst facial accoutrements we’ve seen since one Joseph Barton attempted to grow a herbaceous border on his upper lip…

An English lesson with a twist… pic.twitter.com/wc7WsGcnHc

— Swansea City AFC (@SwansOfficial) July 6, 2017

Mesa does, however, at least have an excuse – though it is decidedly flimsy.

After sealing his £11million move to the Liberty Stadium, the 28-year-old explained his appearance to the Swans official website:

It’s a small promise with my wife because I told her I wouldn’t shave my moustache until I get called up by the Spanish national team.

What started as a story has become a part of my personal image and nowadays I have it as a part of my image.

Something tells us he might be waiting a while longer.

And don’t even get us started on the blow-back curtains currently perched atop of his head.

In one of the most heart-breaking sporting yarns of recent times, Alvaro Morata has had to shave his head after seeing his dream move to Manchester United wither to nowt.

The Spanish striker was so excited about joining United that he went and dyed his hair red for the big unveiling.

Unfortunately, despite looking like a formality at one point, Morata’s big transfer then collapsed as United decided

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With Neymar about to make the second show-stopping enormo-move of his career, Pies thought we’d offer a timely glimpse back into his humble-ish beginnings at Santos.

Specifically, we simply fancied making fun of his old 2008-2013 hairstyles, almost all of which were astounding exercises in follicular folly.

So here, presented with our finest technical descriptions,  is the best/worst of the pre-Barcelona era presented in chronological order…

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‘Newborn Foal (w/Placenta)’ (May 2010)

‘Standard Short-Back-And-Sides w/ Three Mummified Stick Insects’ (2010)

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Improvised Roadkill Mohawk – Phase I  (Sep 2010)

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Improvised Roadkill Mohawk – Phase II (April 2011)

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Roadkill Mohawk – Wet Look (April 2011)

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Cinematic Masterpieces Collection: Rufio Tribute (June 2011)

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Cinematic Masterpiece Collection: Tina Turner in Mad Max III Tribute (June 2011)

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Radiation Sickness (July 2011)

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Norfolk Simpleton (July 2011)

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Portable Boot Scraper (July 2011)

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The ‘Somebody Left The Neymar Waxwork Facing The Radiator’ (July 2011)

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Botched Platypus Taxidermy (August 2011)

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‘Hat Must Be Worn Because Hair Has Become Sentient’ (Sep 2011)

Photo: Fernando Dantas/Gazeta Press

High On Peroxide Fumes (October 2011)

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Acute Peroxide Poisoning (December 2011)

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Coldstream Guard (May 2012)

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The ‘Jesus Didn’t Die For This’ (May 2012)

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Drowned Sewer Rat (June 2012)

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The Strangled Tangle With Mullet-Like Dangle (July 2012)

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Post-Apocalyptic Street Orphan (July 2012)

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The ‘What’s Got Two Thumbs And Looks Like A Brass Dildo?’ (2013)

And that was pretty much the last of Neymar’s out-and-out disaster barnets, right up until this little corker from June 2017…

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Pies fans, please feel free to pick your own name for that modern day abomination!